How to build self-confidence

How to Build Self-Confidence with Self-Care

When I was growing up I needed to build self-confidence. I never felt good about myself. I often wanted to hide and blend into the background.  In fact, to this day my default mode would be to disappear into the crowd. I’m a homebody and still choose an (early!) evening in on any occasion. But that no longer has to do with my level of self-confidence. It simply has to do with my preferences and how I’m wired.

At this point in my life I wouldn’t describe myself as having low self-confidence. I’ve grown into myself, you could say. I’m okay with who I am and confident to do the things life requires of me. But it’s taken some work. I’m still a work in progress. Because I like myself doesn’t mean I think I’m perfect or that I don’t have days I struggle. Just recently I was struggling with some overwhelm, and I realized that I have held onto a few negative experiences that make me feel less than in certain situations.  

I’ve spent time with a number of women of all ages, and more than not struggle with self-confidence. In fact, many of these women are my age and older. They are women who have grown children and even grandchildren. And they still struggle with self-confidence.

Why do we struggle with how to build self-confidence? We need to take a look at how we do self-care. #selfconfidence #selfcare Share on X

Why is that? I think one of the reasons is that women tend to put everyone else and their needs above their own. This then tells our very self that we are not important. It tells us that our needs and opinions are insignificant.

This is why I believe that one of the answers to how to build self-confidence is to practice self-care.   

How does self-care correlate to self-confidence?  

Let’s start by defining these two things: self-confidence and self-care.

And let’s also add to the mix selfish. Because I know what many of you are already thinking, “There’s a lot of ‘self’ here.” I know most women wouldn’t want to be considered selfish. That’s negative, and we’re already trying to rid our lives of negativity.  

Definition of self-confidence: belief in oneself and abilities; a synonym: inner strength

Definition of self-care: care of self, with care meaning provide what is needed for well-being and protection

Definition of selfish: concern only for oneself synonym: egotistical, greedy, self-centered

Building self-confidence through self-care is not selfish. The world needs what you have to offer. Share on X

After looking at the definitions, can we agree that building self-confidence through self-care is not selfish?

As noted above, to be selfish, we are only concerned for ourselves. But I believe that if a woman wants to know how to build self-confidence, she wants to do it so that she can be the best version of herself. And by becoming the best versions of ourselves we can love and serve those around us the way that we have been created to do.

Ephesians 2:10 (NIV) says, For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” God has work for us to do. We don’t want to be distracted by or held back because of low self-confidence.

Let’s look at how to build self-confidence with these five actions.

  1. Believe and receive the fact that you are worthy. You are enough. You are special. You have been created in the image of God.  

But you ask, “How?” I know that this step feels like the most difficult because it’s the root of your feelings of LACK of confidence.  

If you are searching the worldwide web for “how to build self-confidence,” you have the want to and the desire to make the change.  And I’m telling you that this first step is key. Commit to believing you are worth this. That you can become confident.

Use positive mantras – choose a phrase or a scripture verse or both. Examples: I am enough. God loves me just the way I am. I am valuable. I have been created in the image of God. Genesis 1:27. Psalm 139. 2 Corinthians 6:19-20. 2 Timothy 1:7. 1 John 4:10-12.

  1. Get to know yourself. I often find that people who lack self-confidence dismiss who they are. They don’t acknowledge their preferences, their likes and dislikes. Take some time to write down your favorite things. What’s your favorite color? Your favorite food? You favorite song? What do you like to eat for breakfast or dinner? What’s your favorite book and television show?  Too often a person whose self-confidence is low hasn’t taken time to consider what makes him or her truly happy or what things provide enjoyment.

Which leads me to the third point.  

  1. Once you know what you like and prefer make yourself a priority.  

If you have a favorite meal, make it for dinner. It’s okay if it’s not a favorite of everyone else. It’s okay to cook something you want. I’m sure the rest of the family will eat it. Speak up when someone asks what you want to watch on television. If you’re asked to make a decision or share your opinion, don’t defer to someone else. Share your thoughts, feelings, and opinions.

4.  Pay attention to your health. When we are fit and healthy, we simply feel better in our bodies. How we feel in our bodies plays a big role in our self-confidence.

  1.   Spend time with other people. Usually people who lack self-confidence spend a lot of time alone. I’m an introvert, and I enjoy (and need!) my alone time. There’s nothing wrong with      alone time, but when we lack self-confidence we avoid time with people because we don’t feel like we have anything to offer. Or we are self-conscious…about how we look, what we say, what others think of us, etc. But if we want to build self-confidence, we need to spend time with people. Socializing allows us to practice being assertive and helps us realize that we have something to offer….conversation, a listening ear, laughter.  

Please remember that this is a practice. Give yourself grace and take your time.

How to build self-confidence. Build is the keyword here. We won’t wake up self-confident. We must practice. Commit to spending time learning about yourself.  And then go and share with your world the wonderful you God created you to be!


Disclaimer:  I’m a counselor, but I’m not your counselor.  Low self-confidence can be a symptom of a variety of mental health issues including depression and anxiety.  If your lack of confidence paralyzes you and keeps you from functioning in regular activities, please speak with your doctor or schedule an appointment with a counselor.  If you simply want to chat more about this, please contact me.

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