Happy Birthday to Me! Reflecting on Turning Another Year Older

I turn 44 tomorrow.  I survived the big 4-0 a few years ago.  Life didn’t stop.  In fact, it wasn’t until I turned 40 that much of my life started making sense.

I want to take some time today to reflect a little, because let’s face it, aren’t you supposed to reflect a bit as you get older?  I imagine teenagers don’t reflect much.  They’re busy planning their futures.  But when you start hitting those “middle age” ages, you start to reflect.  (Or you should anyway!)  

Without going into my entire history, let’s just say that I struggled a lot growing up with feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, etc.  I thought I was fat and that nobody would ever love me.  Fast forward through years of struggle and tears, a failed marriage, and too many diets to count, I read Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst (amazon affiliate link) when I was about to turn 40.   In one section she referred to Moses and how God told him, “You have circled this mountain long enough.  Now turn north.”  

Lightbulb moment!  Moses and the Israelites had wandered 40 years in the desert.  I had been wandering for 40 years among gimmicks and quick fixes and failed attempts at loving the body I was in and accepting the love of the Savior I had received when I was a nine-year-old girl.  It was time!  

Happy Birthday to Me! Reflections of a 44 year old. #birthday Share on X

So, now 4 years later how am I doing?  Did I turn north?  If so, what changed?  

I can answer with total honesty and conviction that yes indeed I turned north.  It really was a turning point and a wake up call.  Do I get it right all the time?  No.  But I’m going in the new direction God pointed me.  He has given me some clarity on those 40 years.  I was learning a lot during that time, but I didn’t know it.  I now see how He can turn something that was such a struggle and seemingly negative situation into something that He can use.  

Last year, I stepped into this online space and began to share how I came to know freedom in this area of health and fitness.  Because that is the key.  It’s freedom.  I was in bondage so much of my life.  Bondage to a reflection in the mirror.  Bound to a number on a scale.  Bondage to everything I thought beautiful and lovely was supposed to be and look like. I spent years seeking freedom. I knew there had to be a better way.  

And so finally, I turned north and in that direction was freedom.  I began to understand that I was fearfully and wonderfully made.  I accepted the love my Savior had for me.  The same God I had given my life to at 9 years old, but I had not let Him take over this area of my life.  Sure I had prayed and cried to Him over and over again, but I still held onto that one area of my life…..until I finally let go.  

 I'm 44 and living fit and free! #faithandfitness Share on X

So what have I learned?

  • I can live fit AND free.  You can live fit AND free.  Fitness isn’t defined by a certain number or found in a bottle or a program.  It’s not a certain image we have in our heads or see on a magazine cover.  Fitness is you honoring your unique body by caring for it like a temple. 

  • Christ died so that you and I may live in freedom.  Any day spent in bondage to anything is not His plan or His will for our life. He’s ready to set you free.  

  • I am loved.  You are loved.  Every night I say to Ethan (I’ve said it since he was a baby), “Mommy loves you and Jesus loves you.”  I want him to know he is loved.  

  • I am a gift.  You are a gift.  We have been given something unique to share with the world around us.  It may be a small world, or we may have a big stage.  But no matter where you are today, you have something to give.  


Are you ready to live fit and free?  It’s never too late in life to change course.  Come over to my Facebook Community where other women just like you are learning to live fit and free!

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